A computer can win Jeopardy and a vibrating battery operated...well to be straightforward, dick can get your girlfriend off – so maybe machines really will take over the world?
On a casual Friday night a group of reserved and not so reserved white girls gathered in the very white and beautiful Chevy Chase neighborhood as Cruella deVag and Betty Cocker hosted a sex toy party! Yes, we freaky white girls prefer to have our sex toys brought to us as opposed to schlepping to the neighborhood sex shop.
Our sales consultant informed us that her orgasms were tax deductable and phrases like, “I’m into the crotch-less thing,” and “My ex-fiancé gave me my vibrator...I got rid of one of them,” were spewed. Girls secretly spilled hints about their sex lives by showing too much interest in the products like “Anal Ease” and not so secret bedroom behavior was exposed when girls openly admitted things like “…but I do that with regular candles,” when referring to a heatable wax that won’t burn you during your Ricky Martin ‘livin la vida loca’ video foreplay.
The end result of our little sexscapes left our hosts with a whole lotta empty wine bottles in their house and their guests with $50 - $300 less in their designer wallets than when they walked in the door. What? You thought sex toys were cheap?
Of course us girls could not be more excited to try our new goods out, the funny thing is that some of the boys, upon hearing what we had invested in were not so into it. Granted I think there is a normal mixed reaction to sex toys among men, but I’m always interested to know the reasoning behind why a boy would be freaked out or shockingly appalled by a girl getting her lovin’ on all by herself. I mean boys start yankin it in what, like middle school? Not us. In middle school we are awkwardly getting hair in places it’s never been and sprouting boobs and hips. Then in highschool it’s all boy crazed chit-chat and blowjobs until that Vcard goes and then for most it’s a slippery slope as a few years spent as a slore that leads us into college where most girls then find the sexual confidence to start having sex with themselves. I even know a few late bloomers just getting into it now...poor things.
Ultimately I think it is important to keep a healthy balance in your sex-to-sex toy ratio. Girls, while your vibrator can get the job done oh-so efficiently it can’t take you to dinner or tell you that you look hot so don’t pull a Charlotte (boys, you will have no idea what I’m referring too so don’t worry about it). And gentlemen, get the fuck over it. We masturbate. It happens. And it’s great, so drop the weirdness and join the freakin party, if you’re lucky enough to be on the guest list that is.
In true hothotmess fashion there will be no true rhyme or reason to the postings so you should be happy to take what you can get.
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