This contribution is brought to by guest writer Cruella DeVag.
I recently had the opportunity to talk to an old friend on the phone. And by old friend I mean a guy I know through my ex boyfriend of two years. This friend and I were catching up on the latest news in each other’s lives when he asked, “So what about you? Are you seeing anyone?” Like any self respecting woman without a boyfriend and zero prospects on the radar I responded, “Definitely not! I’m just playin the field.” “Glad to hear it,” he said, “‘bout time you finally caught on to the benefits of being single.”
Yes, there are some wonderful benefits to being single, and believe me, this HotHotMess has no business getting into a committed, long term relationship right now, but where the hell are the short-term fuck buddies in this town?! I know they exist, my friends have managed to find a few. I’m talking about those good old, normal guys that just wanna spend a little time with a lady and be inside her on the reg. The guys you date for a few months, have some fun, and then go your separate ways with some good memories and some new moves.
So what kind of guys have I met in the last month? First there was the Cupcake Marine, a ridiculously good looking GI Joe who was saccharine sweet. The flowers on the second date were thoughtful, but when he showed up to meet me at a bar later that week with pre-ordered, custom-designed cupcakes and an authentic jersey for my favorite NFL football team I knew he wasn’t just “DTF” but “DT get married and have 2.5 kids”. After two more dates and even more gifts, I had to pull the plug. Then there was the Silver Fox, a handsome and debonair 39 year old who I immediately wanted to bone and probably would have by now if he didn’t live in Texas. That’s right, a few days at a time in DC does not a fuck buddy make.
And then there was the pièce de résistance of my recent romantic follies; the resurface of the dreaded ex two full years after I stopped communicating with him. Though I took a certain amount of pleasure in him saying that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life (duh) and that he was still in love with me (who wouldn’t be), whack job has more issues than Vogue and I’m just not into good sex with a side of crazy.
So if you know a guy in the metro area who is good in the sack, under 35 and not totally fucking insane, send him my way. In the meantime, I’m glad I have my vibrator.
In true hothotmess fashion there will be no true rhyme or reason to the postings so you should be happy to take what you can get.
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